1. Never use it unless promoting yourself.
2. Disguise your self promotion with interest in other people.
3. When you’re not promoting yourself, promote yourself.
4. Retweet any tweet that has your name in it.
5. Tweet insanely rude things to celebrities and public figures just to rub it in that you can say anything and they can’t because they have a reputation to maintain.
6. Keep your insults to a minimum.
7. Never miss a chance to insult a striving rap artist who is trying to promote their music.
8. Never post a “10 Rules of Twitter Blog” unless you want to lose all your followers.
9. Save your complaints about twitter for your therapist. No one on twitter wants to hear them.
10. A day without tweeting about your boobs and butt is a day wasted.